Monstrous Heart: Extended Review

THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS AND DISCUSSION OF RAPE CULTURE

Author: Claire McKenna
Published: 2020
Target Audience: Adults 18+

It was only when the Coastmaster turned to remonstrate the old man struggling to load the Siegfried’s voluminous trunk that Arden Beacon seized the moment and made her escape.

Arden Beacon is on a mission. She is sanguis ignis, someone with the power of fire magic in her blood, and she has arrived in the coastal port of Vigil to use this ability to keep the lighthouse burning. If she can complete her assignment, her future will be set. She will receive her full Seamaster’s Guild degree, restore her family’s reputation, and be free to marry whomever she wishes, away from the dictation of the pervasive Eugenics Society.

But something is rotten in the salt-swept town of Vigil. The waters teem with krakens, plesiosaurs, and other abyssal leviathans, yet the townsfolk swear that the real monster walks among them: Mr Jonah Riven, a hunter of marine monstrosities, who uses his own flesh for bait. A man who slaughtered his relatives, kidnapped local woman Bellis Harrow to be his wife, then murdered her months later. These are all the things the townsfolk denounce Mr Riven as. But worst of all, once Arden moves into the lighthouse, he will be her only neighbour out on that lonely promontory.

Deep waters roil and dark forces loom, and Arden finds herself inexplicably drawn to Mr Riven. As a rising tide of danger threatens to engulfs them, Arden must make sense of the mysteries surrounding Vigil, before her heart is swept away.

Synopsis

'Monstrous Heart' is a romance fantasy debut novel written by Australian author Claire McKenna for adult readers and first published in 2020. It is a story brimming with so much potential, promising a tantalising combination of salt-swept danger and forbidden love, all set against a backdrop of intriguing socio-political maneuvering and some of the most innovative fantasy world-building elements featured in recent speculative fiction. However, despite the gripping premise, McKenna fails to effectively execute any of these elements, resulting in a novel burdened by ineffective storytelling, excessive world-building, and an underdeveloped romance.

Excerpt:

The cold air had a burned and salty miasma, despite it having drizzled earlier. Arden startled at the tootling of foghorns as the fishing boats came into the harbour. People wore the odd uniform of the shore: salt-country linens dipped in flaxseed oil and fish-tallow, shirt-collars embellished in bleach thread, plain hogwool jumpers knitted thick and warm.

All this strangeness, but no real sense of blood. No impression of the power that eddied and washed through her own hot northern country like a tide of whispers, the great sympathetic connectedness with the manifestations of life. No Sanguis.

Blood was the great divide that separated the country of Lyonne from the wilder climes of Fiction. The talents that had once been so powerful in this land were now all but forgotten. Once upon a long time ago Arden would have found kin here, talented users of blood like herself.

Storytelling

From the onset, 'Monstrous Heart' is marred by repetitious storytelling, expository dialogue, and purple prose. Within the first 50 pages alone, tales of the atrocities committed by Mr Jonah Riven, the "monster of Vigil", are repeated six times by five different people, including by the local Baron Mr Justinian, shopkeeper Mrs Sage, the aging Dowager mother of the Baron, Harbourmistress Mx Modhi, and the local Magistrate-Postmaster Mr Harrow, who also happens to be the father of the woman Mr Riven allegedly murdered. Despite the differences in their stations and varying connection to the dead woman, each person relays the rumours to Arden in the same dramatised, expository dialogue, and often unprompted too.

The repetitious and unsolicited nature of the townsfolk's stories about Mr Riven's transgressions makes their warnings come across as overblown tall tales, and may posit readers to automatically assume that these are hyperbolic accusations which will be proven false over the course of the story. This has the unfortunate result of removing any sense of mystery around Mr Riven, or apprehension for the danger he may pose to Arden. There do exist some variations in each telling, inconsistencies across each version of the tale mostly likely intended by McKenna to engross audiences in wondering what truly happened. However, rather than creating a sense of intrigue, it only serves only to slow the pace to a crawl, as Arden's journey is interrupted again and again for more exposition and warnings.

Worse, after failing to establish a sense of fear felt by the townsfolk, their eager retellings of Mr Riven's supposed crimes instead gives rise to the notion that there is a thriving rape culture in Vigil, where the townsfolk seem to almost relish the idea of Bellis coming to such a brutal end. Mr Justinian, whom it is later revealed to have courted Bellis before she married Mr Riven, is the first person to mention Bellis in the story, and describes her as a "murdered whore." Next, after explaining how Bellis' remains were recovered from the water, shopkeeper Mrs Sage supposes that Bellis' murder may have been a mercy "after all those months she suffered in the bed of a monster", and then goes on to gleefully speculate that Mr Riven may have mutilated his own genitalia. Mx Modhi, the Harbourmistress, describes what happened to Bellis as "her awful comeuppance", with this phrasing implying that Bellis deserved to have been assaulted and murdered.

This normalising of sexual assault and victim-blaming mentality is also expressed by Bellis' father, Mr Harrow, who upon learning that another woman will soon being living near his daughter's killer, he immediately announces that Arden "will be dead within the week, her corpse twice-ravished, mark my words." When Arden retorts that she can manage her own business and look after herself, Mr Harrow laughs, saying that "They served [Arden] up for the slaughter...The Guild pimped her to the monster on the promontory, and Riven will rape her bloody and thank them for it." This trivialising of rape and murder is excused away by other characters as Mr Harrow being bitter and grieving for his daughter.

The rape culture of this town does not exist in a vacuum. Both the countries of Lyonne and Fiction are established to be rife with economic inequalities, classism, and sexism. There are instances of impoverished people wanting to sell their children as payment to migrate to better opportunities, and discussions of unionising dockworkers protesting losing their jobs to those with sanguis abilities. For Arden, there is an interesting dichotomy where she is of high birth and a respected family, and yet is designated as a labourer due to the sanguis ability in her blood. She is forbidden to marry without permission and denied bodily autonomy, reflecting that "her blood was not her own. It's labour belonged to the Seamaster's Guild, and its inheritance to the Eugenics Society". Furthermore, in addition to societal control, Arden is personally subjected to manipulations by Mr Justinian, who interferes with her appointed to the lighthouse and threatens to ruin her prospects until she is forced to agree to his courtship, with him asserting that "a good couple we would make. Our mating would be well-matched. The Eugenics Society will allow it, for we may yet breed some as yet unheard of [sanguis] talent." This sets up the opportunity for a riveting tale where Arden must navigate situations where men and women alike demean and dismiss her on the basis of her sex, and her fight overcome societal structures which view her as nothing more than a tool to be used.

Unfortunately, any opportunity for a powerful character arc for Arden is waylaid by the romance plot between her and Mr Riven, and then essentially abandoned as the final third of the book turns into a convoluted fetch-quest and pirate chase. Without further development, the social inequalities established become simple flavouring for the world of 'Monstrous Heart', and sexual assault and abuse are discussed as something normalised, trivialised, and expected. This viewpoint is even internalised by Arden herself, despite her silent resentment against the sexist and degrading comments to which she is subjected. At one point, Arden wonders whether she should wear gold silk lingerie under her clothes to meet with Mr Justinian, as there is a good chance he will attempt to rape her. She muses that "he would be unlikely to leave without his pound of flesh...Why not spend a few uncomfortable minutes with Mr Justinian and consider her duty done?", and decides to wear the lingerie in the hope that it might make the experience more bearable. There is nothing new or empowering about rape being used to spice up fantasy stories, even when it is a female character sexually assaulting a male character, as occurs later in the book. A lack of consequences or impact of these events on the characters makes the reading experience even more disheartening, as after Mr Justinian attempts to force himself on Arden, his only punishment is to be scolded by Arden and to not bother her for a few weeks, before Arden is forced to be in close contact with him again.

The over-focus on rape culture, the multiple instances of natural conversation being superseded by expository dialogue, and the failure to build mystery or tension around Mr Riven are just a few examples of mishandled storytelling in 'Monstrous Heart'. There is also an overuse of intrusive purple prose and pretentious language when simpler words would be just as effective and less distracting. This has the result of clarity being sacrificed for the sake of flowery prose, and occasionally requires readers to reread sentences or paragraphs in order to properly understand what is going on or being discussed.

An example of this can be found early in the book, where Arden observes that “Blood was the great divide that separated the country of Lyonne from the wilder climes of Fiction.” It is initially unclear if this is metaphorical, as only in the preceding paragraph are the terms "blood" and "sanguis" used to introduce the concept that there is a magic system in this fantasy world. To complicate matters further, there is the inclusion of the word "Fiction" seemingly out of nowhere, since Arden’s present location up until this point had only been referred to as "Vigil". It is not until a few paragraph later with the mention of the language "Old Fictish" that it becomes clear to readers that "Fiction" is a geographical location.

The use of ornate language may also confuse readers on aspects of characterisation, such as when we first meet Mr Riven as an unnamed man brawling with an older man outside a tavern. In this introduction, Mr Riven is described as having "inhuman eyes" and a "monster's face", and may lead some readers to assume that Mr Riven is not entirely human, perhaps part elf or some other fantasy race that could exist in this land of magic, krakens, hippocampi, and plesiosaurs. Finally, the book is also rife with odd grammatical choices, stilted phrasing and even misspellings, such as where McKenna accidentally refers to her main character Arden as "Andrew" on page 4. The writing does improve in the final third of the book, where the characters have a clear goal to pursue. There, it abandons conjecture and romantic pining in favour of an engaging objective for the characters to chase after, driving the previously floundering plot, and ultimately improving the pacing, tension, and direction. Unfortunately, this only lasts a few chapters, before reverting to a mess of exposition, melodrama, sexual assault, and contrived magical solutions.

Overall, the writing of 'Monstrous Heart' is diminished by repetitious storytelling, expository dialogue, a failure to build intrigue or tension, purple prose, and an inclusion of rape culture as a passive societal aesthetic.

Excerpt:

The older man took higher ground, rolled upon his opponent and pinned him to the cobblestones. The blade-steel blurred in the fringes of her vision before stabbing into a cobble-join inches from Arden’s nose.

‘Devilment!’ she cried out. ‘Watch yourselves!’

In that sliver of breath between his living and dying, the younger man’s head turned towards Arden. She met a pair of eyes from the distance of a hand span, and all she could see was dark iris in a bloodied face, inhuman almost, and yet…

There was there a broken nobility that did not belong on a monster’s face…and a suffering too, of the kind one only saw in children, or the carvings of salvage wood saints in poor-man’s churches. They were close enough to kiss. A second ago either one of them could have died from a blade through the skull.

World Building

In addition to excessive story exposition, there is also an over-abundance of world-building. The setting of 'Monstrous Heart' is truly fascinating, and features some of the most innovative world-building seen in recent fantasy books, mixing ancient bloodline magics and creatures such as krakens, ichthyosaurs, plesiosaurs, and mammoths with a rapidly developing society featuring emerging technologies such as electricity, cars, and automatons. The world Arden inhabits is a vast one, stretching from her home country of Lyonne and it's capital city of Clay Portside filled with air-harbours, petroleum dens, and tethered aerostats, to her arrival to the cold, grey fishing town of Vigil in the country of Fiction, and beyond to the Sainted Isles with their mechanised lich-ships seeking wells of raw petrolactose. This richly detailed setting is populated by people of all different classes, cultures, professions, languages, and religions, including those derived from a variety of superstitions, Judeo-Christian beliefs, and the mysterious religion of the Deepwater King and the old gods of the coast.

There are also hints that this story may take place in an alternate fantasy version of Earth, with various North American geographical references including Manhattan, Algonque, Frisland, Mi'kmaq, the Sargasso, the Sainted Isles, and Vinland, as well as fictionalised versions of historical events such as the American War of Independence and American Civil War, as gleaned from Arden mentioning the False Unionists War, the War of the Wharves, and the Battle of the Tea Leaves. There are even comments of places further afield, such as Gaul, Lebanon, Djenne, and Arabia.

All of these elements should lend themselves to a dynamic setting in which any story could thrive. The problem, however, lies in the delivery, where so much is exposited to the audience within such a short time that it becomes overwhelming. The excessive details become discombobulating and may leave readers struggling, wondering exactly what of this information is important, what they need to remember, and why it is being delivered at this particular point in the story.

Furthermore, many of these interesting world-building elements are not actually integrated into the story in a meaningful way, and most could even be taken out completely and the plot would not change at all. Worse, there are world-building elements crucial to the plot which are never explained in a way for readers to fully understand the function of these elements within the story, nor how they may effect the plot and characters. This is evident in relation to the magic system and the Lyonne Order.

The sanguis magic can be difficult to comprehend. In a series of creative writing guideline essays collectively referred to as 'Sanderson's Laws of Magic,' American author Brandon Sanderson, of 'Mistborn' and 'The Stormlight Archive' acclaim, asserts that when a magic system is present in a story, "[the] author's ability to solve conflict with magic is directly proportional to how well the reader understands said magic." Unfortunately, while it appears that McKenna had a clear vision of how her magic system operated within the book, this is not communicated effectively to readers. There are multiple instances in 'Monstrous Heart' of characters discussing the sanguis magic system using terms of sanguinity, shadow sanguinity, permutations, symmetries, and latencies, yet the story never actually clearly defines what these aspects are, nor clarifies their differences. Furthermore, the magic system does not appear to operate with a clear predictability on what can be done with these abilities, such as an elemental system. It is instead described through a number of terms that require a basic understanding of latin to derive their function - such as ignis, pondus, appellandi, mandari, etc - and appears to include a mixed bag of affinities such as fire, air, weight, iron, perpetuation, petroleum, inertia, salt, kraken-summoning, and healing. Consequently, when characters use sanguis abilities to overcome obstacles, or develop new abilities in response to conflict, this has the potential result of leaving readers confused or dissatisfied with what appears to be a contrived solution.

The second poorly-explained crucial world-building element is the Lyonne Order of the Eugenics Society. The Eugenics Society works to police the existence, movement, labour, marriage, and reproduction of people with sanguis talents. The Lyonne Order is described as the "attack-dogs" of the Eugenics Society, and the representatives of the Lyonne Order are referred to as Lions. These organisations are portrayed to have immense influence in both counties of Lyonne and Fiction, and are rumoured to have arranged investigations, disappearances, and fatal accidents to befall sanguis and non-sanguis people alike. Some people talk openly and candidly about the Lyonne Order, others in whispers with weighted apprehension, yet no one seems to question that their societies are dictated along the principles of eugenics. Characters react to the Eugenics Society as something normal, and only seem concerned about the methods of the Lyonne Order, not their actual motivation or mission. The story itself does not seem to give any consideration to the consequences of countries with eugenics as an accepted and expected principle of the societal framework. Where these elements do intersect with the plot, there is little explanation given to differentiate the Lyonne Order from the Eugenics Society, nor to convey the exact powers and functioning of this organisation. The inclusion of undercover agents and classified assignments in the book implies that the Lyonne Order operates as a secret service, which begs the question as to what exactly is the Eugenics Society? A political faction? An offshoot of the Lyonne Parliament, dedicated to societal and genetic regulation? An organisation for testing, training, and employing sanguis talents? McKenna's reliance on allusion and metaphors to describe the roles of these organisations may leave readers baffled, and consequently lost when Arden is forcibly entangled in the convoluted political maneuvering of the Lions. By failing to clearly explain the Lions, Lyonne Order, and Eugenics Society, the impact of these organisations on the characters and story-beats can be hard to predict or understand, and weakens the overall coherence of the narrative.

Despite the fascinating mechanics and potential of the land of 'Monstrous Heart', the glut of world-building elements crammed together with incoherent explanations or little story integration results in a bloated, overburdened story setting that detracts from narrative and makes for a taxing reading experience.

Excerpt:

She recalled her last witnessed dock accident with the sanguis inertiae and the careless worker who had walked into the halo of blood-forced air. Died so suddenly there had been no blood when the inertia tore him to pieces a second later. She'd spent an hour chasing off the stray dogs attempting to run off with body parts, while at the same time trying to calm the stunned young man who'd had his first fatality but not his last.

Romance

At its core, the main appeal of 'Monstrous Heart' is the promise of a forbidden love story between Arden Beacon and Mr Jonah Riven. This is sparked by a seductive allure of danger, where Arden is fascinated by the dark possibility of Mr Riven, and then enhanced by Arden's personal restrictive circumstances, including the Eugenics Society's control over who she may marry, her previous heartbreak, and the aggressive, unwanted courting of Mr Justinian. As Arden and Mr Riven grow closer, and the truth that Bellis is secretly alive comes out, the forbidden love aspect is heightened by the Lyonne Order blackmailing Arden, and by Mr Riven pushing Arden away due to his need to maintain his public charade to protect Bellis. In the final third of the book, the forbidden love angle changes once again to encapsulate the danger posed to both of them, and the feeling that whatever time they have together may soon be cut short. In combining mystery, lust, conflicted emotion, temptation of the prohibited, and urgency, 'Monstrous Heart' has all the right elements to make a forbidden love story succeed.

Forbidden love is not the only aspect contributing to the appeal of 'Monstrous Heart' as a romance tale. The book also does an excellent job of portraying women's sexuality in a positive and non-condemning light. Arden is a character with a healthy sex drive, previous experience, and an awareness of her desires. She is no fool, however, and she is conscious that her interest in Mr Riven is partly born out of her isolation and loneliness at the lighthouse, her curiosity regarding his dark history, and her desire to move on from her heartbreak over her cheating ex. She recognises that her fantasies regarding Mr Riven are a result of her projecting, and that the jealousy she feels when she sees Mr Riven's enduring loyalty and love towards the memory of his dead wife is not healthy. Additionally, Mr Riven acknowledges that his attraction to Arden stems from her physical resemblance to Bellis, and that he is afraid of his growing feelings towards Arden, as he believes that she will soon return to Clay Portside and forget all about him. It also comes to light that while Arden has had a number of sexual partners in the past, Mr Jonah Riven is inexperienced, and this presents a refreshing dynamic where the woman in the relationship is more sexually experience than the man, and neither are derided for it. Finally, there is also good LGBT representation in side characters, and even a character with cerebral palsy. In examining these points, 'Monstrous Heart' can be argued to have established a strong foundation for an enthralling love story.

However, despite the excellent groundwork, the romantic core of 'Monstrous Heart' is not well executed. Scenes between Arden and Mr Riven intended to pique interest and facilitate conversation between these two characters are quickly bogged down by expository dialogue rather than natural interaction. Approximately a third of the way through the book, there is a scene where Arden bandages Mr Riven's injuries at the lighthouse after he saved three children swept overboard during a storm when their impoverished family attempted to sail to the Sainted Isles in hopes of better prospects. At this point in the story, Arden has begun to glimpse under Mr Riven's mask, having found out he recently saved a plesiosaur pup from poachers, he gave her his coat when Arden was caught in public in lingerie a few weeks prior, and now Mr Riven risked his life to save innocents. This presents the perfect opportunity for interaction that would lay the foundation of a romantic connection between Arden and Mr Riven. Instead, he mocks her for wanting to try and prevent the children from being sex trafficked as payment for their parents' passage in the Sainted Isles, and in retaliation she asks if he killed his wife. While waiting for his answer, Arden fantasises about him strangling herself to death, and then Mr Riven finally snaps that Bellis did not die by his hand, and alludes that there is something deeper going on. Finally, Mr Riven leaves, and Arden sees him from the lighthouse weeping and kissing his wife's gravestone, and Arden is overcome with jealousy towards Bellis over Mr Riven's devotion.

Thus, rather than facilitating moments of emotional intimacy or learning about each other, their conversation is instead focused on setting up plot elements that occur later in the book. The only revelations in relation to emotional development are that Mr Riven rejects Arden's prying and misses Bellis, and that Arden is a character rife with envy who focuses more on her lustful projections rather than the person in front of her, with her even taking the time to eye Mr Riven's groin to see if Mrs Sage's speculations about his self-mutilation were true. It is difficult to become invested in these characters as a romantic duo when there appears to be no connection between them, and when opportunities for any bonding between them are sacrificed for exposition.

Then, in the complete reverse, during moments of high plot tension and conflict featuring both of them, the pacing and suspense are derailed by awkward inserts of flirting between Arden and Mr Riven. An example of this can be found halfway through the book, when a representative of the Lyonne Order reveals to Arden that Mr Riven did not actually kill his wife, but instead helped Bellis fake her death to escape the control of the Eugenics Society. Furthermore, the Lions had Arden assigned to the lighthouse in hopes that her presence would remind Mr Riven of his wife and cause him to act in such a way that the Eugenics Society would be able to track down Bellis. Immediately after this conversation, Arden and Mr Riven find themselves falsely set up, attacked, and having to flee under disguise, during which Arden reveals to Mr Riven that a powerful, controlling organisation is after his wife. Once they are in a safe location, Mr Riven's first reaction is to reassure Arden that she is prettier than Bellis, asks if Mr Justinian is her lover, and then basically preen after Arden calls him fearsome. Then, he finally responds to the warning that his wife is in danger by saying that Bellis is strong, independent, and takes care of herself, and that Arden reminds him of her, particularly when he glimpsed her in lingerie a few weeks ago. Mr Riven's focus on flattering conversation rather than the danger of his and Arden's situation does not make for satisfying romantic development. Instead, it demonstrates misplaced character priorities which completely undermine all plot suspense built up over the previous scenes, and may give readers mental whip-lash from how fast the tension crashes.

Other examples of characters prioritising lust over responding to high-conflict plot events can be found in the final third of the book, where Arden, Mr Riven, and a few others are aboard Mr Riven's sea vessel, and the ship comes under attack. Arden goes to wake an injured Mr Riven, the only person who knows how to properly steer the boat, as time is running out and their pursuers are rapidly gaining on them. Instead of using their dwindling time to plan or discuss options with the other people aboard their vessel, Mr Riven just assumes upon waking, and without checking, that the pursuers are actually escorting Mr Riven's boat out of their territory, so Arden and Mr Riven dismiss the danger and use their remaining time to have sex. They are thus captured shortly after. These instances of skewed character priorities repeatedly diminish the rising tension, fail to contribute to romantic development, and may leave readers unsatisfied by the resulting plot consequences of the character's inane decisions. The multiple sex scenes in the final third of 'Monstrous Heart' may also come across as an attempt to convince the audience that there is chemistry between Arden and Mr Riven, without establishing any real emotional connection in the lead up.

The combination of bonding moments being undermined to convey exposition, and plot-focused scenes being interrupted by jarring flirting, results in the romance between Arden and Mr Riven coming off as contrived, lacking in any meaningful connection, and ultimately unconvincing. Arden's incessant jealously over Mr Riven also negatively impacts upon her likability, and while Mr Riven comes off as indecisive at best, he also later blames Arden for his attraction to her. Their relationship seems to boil down to them both being lonely, horny, and in proximity to each other, and does not make for a compelling romance story.

'Monstrous Heart' is a book with so much potential. Despite being marketed as "romantic gaslamp fantasy" and "a gothic tale of intrigue on high seas and a love story for the ages", it does not deliver on these promises, and fails to effectively execute any of its fantastical elements, political intrigue, mystery, or romance. 'Monstrous Heart' is the first book in McKenna's Deepwater Trilogy. I do not intend to read the rest of the series.

Except:

And Mr Riven swept her up in arms and kissed her with those lips and held her close to his poor wounded body.

Arden pushed him away. 'I am not a thing to mollycoddle. You turn hot and cold, and it is unconscionable to me. Are you staying, or going? What are your intentions?'

He released her, his gaze went to the floor. His voice had a strange thoughtfulness to it. 'It hurts me, the reality of you.'

'Then it's my fault now?'

'Always!' he said. 'You are everything. You filled my head with thoughts of you every day. Every day. When I first saw you on the beach in your golden threads I thought you were more beautiful that...than any dream. Even when I look at you I am torn. How can I be anything else for Arden Beacon of Clay Portside but a savage from Fiction? I learned enough from Stefan what your posting means. I fear you one day returning to Clay and forgetting the simple creature you dallied with, and I will be twice broken.' His bloodshot eyes were rimmed with suffering. 'Twice broken, for I loved you.

'Love? You speak of love when you would not let anyone love you back? You are so infuriating, Mr Riven,' she said between gasping sobs. 'The most infuriating man I have ever met. I don't take lightly in my affections. I'm no coquette.'

Her pronouncements confused him so, and he seemed so stricken that she had to kiss him again...